10 practical tips on making friends with someone

Getting people to like you can feel intimidating if you fear rejection or feel socially awkward when putting yourself out there. Rejection may happen sometimes, but if you make an effort, you might find yourself with a new friend.

The good news is that quality is more important than quantity. Having many friends has benefits, but according to research published in Frontiers in Psychology, quality friendships are more important for your well-being than shallow friendships. 

These 10 tips on making friends can help you find quality friends that’ll stick.

1. Put yourself out there by joining social activities or groups

It’s a lot easier to make new friends when surrounded by new people, and that includes both online friends and in-person ones. The local gym, online games, virtual and in-person book clubs, or your kids’ school events are great opportunities to make new friends. 

Just showing up to one social activity could help you forge friendships. One study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology showed that seeing someone frequently can make you feel like you have something in common, even if you’ve never spoken.

2. Take initiative by starting conversations

Striking up a conversation with someone is the first step toward getting to know them. Take the initiative to start a conversation with someone new using one of these practical conversation starters:

• “Mind if I join you? This seems like a perfect place to relax.”
• “Hey, I’m trying to get familiar with the area. Is there a restaurant you’d recommend?”
• “I noticed we’re both waiting for [event, class, etc.]. Have you been here before?”
• “That looks interesting! What are you working on?”
• “Hi! I don’t think we’ve met yet. I’m [your name].”
• “Hey, have you tried [item/food/coffee] here before? I’m wondering what’s good.”

3. Suggest plans to hang out or do something together

While being around someone frequently could make them open to being your friend, spending one-on-one time together could seal the deal.

You don’t need to plan anything extravagant when trying to forge a new friendship. Simply hanging around the house or watching a movie together is enough.

Try engaging in meaningful or deep conversations. This tip on making friends can also help strengthen your interpersonal relationships.

4. Be genuinely interested

You’re more likely to connect with people when you’re genuinely interested in their thoughts, feelings, or life experiences. When making friends with someone, discuss topics that show you’re interested in them. Here are some suggestions:

• “I’m always looking for good [music, books, shows]. Have any recommendations?”
• “That’s a cool [item they’re holding/wearing]. Is there a story behind it?”
• “I’ve wanted to check out [local event/place]. Have you been? Any thoughts?”
• “I noticed you’re into [specific thing]. I’ve been thinking of trying it. How do you like it?”

One trick to showing genuine interest in someone is to respond to them quickly when they’re speaking. Research published by the psychology department of Princeton University suggests that friends and strangers feel more connected when they respond quickly and keep the conversation flowing.

5. Be vulnerable when appropriate

Just as asking about others’ thoughts, feelings, and life experiences can help forge a friendship, so can sharing your own. Opening up about something that makes you feel vulnerable, like a challenge you’re facing or a meaningful experience you had, indicates to another that you feel close to them.

Research professor Brené Brown emphasizes that vulnerability plays a vital role in building trust and deepening connections. Being vulnerable can be as simple as sharing a personal struggle, like difficulty losing weight, or simply expressing conflicting emotions.

6. Share your own experiences but keep it balanced

You want to balance the conversation between talking about yourself and the other person. When carrying a conversation, sharing your experiences or advice with someone you want to befriend can help a friendship grow. But you don’t want to take over the conversation or be too pushy.

Research published in Frontiers in Psychology showed that friends who support each other’s autonomy are more likely to feel their friendships are high-quality and experience subjective well-being.

7. Be approachable

Being approachable is about sending signals that invite others to interact with you. People often make snap judgments of others’ friendliness and likability based on body language and tone of voice. 

Specific body language, eye contact, and smiling are all ways to look and feel approachable. Here are some tips on making friends that focus on body language:

• Keep an open posture and avoid crossing your arms or looking distracted.
• Smile to signal warmth to those you’d like to befriend.
• Use a friendly, upbeat tone when speaking to others.

8. Find common ground or mutual hobbies

We’re naturally drawn to those who share values, hobbies, or experiences with us. Creating social goals related to hobbies, like book clubs or local sports leagues, is a great way to meet new friends. Once you forge those friendships, that shared hobby or activity will only foster your bond and bring you closer.

9. Offer help or support when needed

If someone you’d like to befriend asks for help or support, consider giving it. One of the qualities of a good friend is offering help and support to others when they need you. This could be anything from helping someone move to listening to the friends you’ve made at work vent.

This also goes for the good times. Supporting your friend after they share good news can strengthen the friendship, too. 

10. Give it time

These tips on making friends might not get you friends immediately. It takes time to forge a deep relationship with someone. Research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships shows that when people participate in leisure activities together, they have a better chance of forging a strong friendship. It also evaluated the approximate number of hours it takes to make a good friend.

• Acquaintance to casual friend: 30 hours of interaction within the first 6 weeks
• Casual friend-to-friend: 50 hours of interaction, with friendship likely developing after 3 months
• Friend to good friend: 140 hours of interaction
• Best friend: 300+ hours of interaction, with a transition often occurring between 3 weeks and 6 months

No matter which of the above tips on making friends you choose to try, you’re much more likely to make friends if you believe these efforts will work. As shown by research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, people who strongly believe making friends takes effort are more socially active and less lonely.

Before you look to use these tips, consider taking stock of acquaintances or friendships you already have that might have gone dormant. A 2020 study in The Journals of Gerontology shows that even weak social ties can be beneficial, and reconnecting with old friends can be rewarding since those friendships often rekindle quickly.

Still, if you’re in the market for new friendships, consider looking in these places:

• Community classes: Sign up for an art or cooking class and introduce yourself to the people near you. Talk about the projects you’re working on to get the ball rolling.
• Local sports leagues: After practice in a local soccer or basketball league, strike up a conversation with a teammate about their favorite professional teams.
• Volunteering events: After a cleanup day or helping in the soup kitchen, suggest grabbing coffee with a fellow volunteer to continue chatting about your shared interest.
• Book clubs: Ask a fellow book club member what books they’re excited to read next and actively listen to their suggestions.
• Coffee shops: Start a conversation with someone sitting nearby and ask what they’re working on to show interest in something they care about.
• Networking events: Ask someone attending a networking event about their work. Offer your own stories to keep the conversation balanced.
• Dog parks: Smile and introduce yourself while your dogs play together. Their interaction makes it easy to continue the conversation. Initiating a conversation with a stranger might help them find happiness in their day as well.
• Gym classes: Offer to spot someone during a workout or share tips about exercises that work for you.

This list considers places where people might be open to making friends by choice. Sometimes, however, you might find yourself in situations where you need to be friendly due to shared circumstances.

Sometimes, not getting along with someone simply means choosing not to be their friend. Other times, you may have to find a way to be a better friend or get along with someone you’d rather not.

Perhaps that person is a family member, coworker, or neighbor who will remain in your life for the foreseeable future. In those cases, it’s possible to improve and make these relationships more positive with the following techniques.

• Listen to others. Rather than doing all the talking, take the time to stop and hear what others have to say. Refrain from interrupting or talking over the other person. 
• Be polite and positive. Think about what you want to say before you say it, and don’t be afraid to apologize if you say something that isn't well received. If you’re responding to someone, say something positive if you agree and offer an encouraging word. 
• Be honest and sincere. Make sure you speak with honesty and sincerity. When you tell someone the truth, you help them see they can trust you, which can help you build healthy relationships.
• Keep an open mind. Try to keep an open mind when listening to someone you don’t get along with, even if you disagree with what they are saying. Look for opportunities to understand why they feel as they do, and be open to changing your perspective or at least respecting theirs. 
• Seek common ground. Look for the interests or experiences that you share to build rapport. This will likely happen naturally as you show interest in and listen to others. You may find that you love the same music, enjoy volunteering, or have similar professional goals.
• Repair small issues. Rather than allowing issues to build, address them while they’re small. Fixing a relationship might mean apologizing or discussing how you’ll both try harder in the future. 

You won’t always be perfect, and that’s OK. If you’re open to listening and communicating well with others, you’ll likely be able to repair any mistakes you make. That being said, there are some mistakes you want to avoid when pursuing a friendship.

A study published in Personality and Individual Differences shows that low trust, lack of time, and introversion are the biggest barriers to making friends. Keeping these barriers in mind, here are some behaviors you’ll want to avoid:

• Being overly guarded: Be open and trust others to build meaningful connections.
• Overcommitting to other tasks: Make time for social activities and prioritize new friendships.
• Staying passive: Take the initiative to reach out and try to make plans with others.

If you’re still struggling to make friends, consider working with a professional coach to identify patterns or trends hindering new friendships. The goal is not necessarily to turn every relationship into a friendship but to make all relationships more positive and productive.