Black-and-white thinking: what it is and how to overcome it

Flexible thinking aids in your ability to learn and grow. With it, you maintain a more open mind and increased willingness to change your ideas and opinions based on new information or insights. Having a flexible mindset sets you up for personal and career growth. However, black-and-white thinking is the opposite. 

Black-and-white thinking can make it difficult to adjust to new situations or gain knowledge. It can impact how you view yourself and the relationships you have with others. 

Yet, your mind can change. Through practice and diligence, you can rewire black-and-white thinking patterns to maintain a growth mindset throughout life.  

What is black-and-white thinking (or dichotomous thinking)?

Black-and-white thinking, also called “all-or-nothing thinking,” spitting, or dichotomous thinking, involves approaching experiences and ideas with rigid absolutes. You don’t consider a middle ground or recognize shades of gray. Everything is either right or wrong, good or bad. 

You may use black-and-white thinking as a defense mechanism or because of cognitive distortions. Instead of dealing with uncomfortable ambiguity or uncertainty, everything is polarized. By using it as a coping mechanism, you create barriers to protect yourself and maintain the appearance of control. You may be doing all this without realizing it. 

Black-and-white thinking examples 

Rigid thought processes around people, places, and ideas characterize black-and-white thinking. You think you’re either successful or a complete failure. You consider yourself either a good person or a bad person. 

If you find yourself thinking along the following lines, you may be using black-and-white thinking:

• “If my friend doesn’t call me back, they don’t like me.”
• “If I don’t get promoted, I’m bad at my job.”
• “If I mess this up, I’m not capable of doing anything right.” 
• “My coworker was short with me today, so they must not like me.”
• “My friend canceled our plans, so they must be avoiding me.”

In dichotomous thinking, there are only two sides to everything — one is good, and the other is bad. There is no middle ground. Here are some signs you might tend toward all-or-nothing thinking:

• Being a perfectionist
• Engaging in impulsive behaviors due to sudden shifts in how you think about a person, environment, or situation
• Using absolute language like “always” or “never”
• Having difficulty seeing the nuances in a situation
• Experiencing ruminating thoughts over intense feelings or unclear emotions 
• Displaying a fear of trying new things or learning something new
• Struggling to know if someone is showing a toxic trait or a normal human flaw
• Viewing a partner’s reasonable mistakes or errors as red flags in a relationship

If you struggle with black-and-white thinking, you may have difficulty seeing the complexities in people and situations. There are a variety of causes for black-and-white thinking, ranging from poor self-esteem to mental health conditions. 

What causes black-and-white thinking?

Learning to manage black-and-white thinking starts with identifying possible causes. Finding the root cause may also help you practice greater self-love because you understand yourself better. Consider these potential causes for thinking in extremes:

• Limiting beliefs: Limiting beliefs are negative opinions about yourself that prevent you from creating relationships with others, achieving goals, and building a meaningful life.
• Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD): Individuals with OCD may display dichotomous thinking as a symptom because it provides a sense of control. 
• Borderline personality disorder (BPD): A recent publication from the National Center for Biotechnology Information says those with BPD often experience distorted views of both themselves and others. 
• Anxiety and depression: As evidenced by a research article from the Association for Psychological Science, individuals with anxiety or depression tend to have elevated levels of absolutist thinking.
• Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD): People with NPD tend to struggle with viewing the different perspectives of a single issue, causing them to think in extremes.
• Autism spectrum disorder (ASD): A study published in Scientific Reports shows that individuals with autism tend to have rigid thinking about their routines. 

Whether your black-and-white thinking stems from a negative view of yourself or a mental health condition, it can have a tremendous impact on your quality of life. 

Impact of black-and-white thinking

Because dichotomous thinking impacts your view of the world and others, it can harm your relationships as well as your health and well-being. Here are several ways in which black-and-white thinking might impact you: 

• A poor sense of self-worth: You might be more likely to have poor self-worth if making mistakes or misjudgments leads you to see yourself as inadequate. Black-and-white thinking can negatively impact your self-esteem, and you may struggle to have compassionate self-awareness. 
• Perfectionism: You might develop perfectionism because you view everything as positive or negative. Completing work or other tasks may feel more challenging if you feel as if you have to get everything correct.
• Difficulty achieving your goals: It might feel challenging to work toward your goals because you fear failure. In dichotomous thinking, failing to achieve short-term goals or long-term goals might translate to thinking poorly of yourself. 
• Challenges with mental health: You may experience mental exhaustion when constantly assessing every situation as good or bad. Additionally, if you struggle to achieve goals or fix relationships, you may languish or feel depressed. 
• Difficulty maintaining relationships: If a close friend or loved one does something you perceive as “bad,” you might feel compelled to let go of someone, leave the relationship, or distance yourself from that person. 

Black-and-white thinking distorts your sense of self. You might not view yourself as a complex human being or recognize that your faults and attributes make you unique. However, you can retrain your brain to see the middle ground.

5 ways to change black-and-white thinking

When you think dichotomously, it can be challenging to make gradual mindset shifts. Working to reframe black-and-white thinking is a practice in flexible thinking. If you don’t get it right the first time, that’s OK. Practice self-compassion and patience as you learn new skills.

Mindset reframing techniques

Shifting from the rigidity of black-and-white thinking to a flexible mindset requires you to reframe how you approach your relationships, work, hobbies, and sense of self. An article in Cognitive Science shows that being able to consider others’ perspectives benefits problem-solving abilities and social interactions. 

Consider these techniques to help create a more flexible and positive mindset: 

• Write out your thoughts. A Family Medicine and Community Health study showed that journaling can help improve mental health outcomes. Oftentimes, journaling about your thoughts can help you see them in a different light, improving your ability to look at them more objectively. 
• Identify thoughts that aren’t facts. Ask yourself if your black-and-white thoughts are rooted in facts. Consider what you know to be true about the situation or yourself. It’s likely these objective truths don’t match your black-and-white thoughts.
• Rephrase absolute language to create nuance. Try revising absolute statements to include gray words, such as might or maybe. Gray words help create room for flexible thinking so you can find the middle ground.
• Write a list of your strengths. Include your positive personality traits as well as hard and soft skills in your list. By writing out your strengths, you challenge automatic negative thoughts about yourself.  

Say you make a mistake at work, and the first thought that enters your head is, “I can’t get anything right. I must be terrible at my job.”  

Instead of sitting with that thought, reframe it to create room for flexibility. Tell yourself, “I sometimes make mistakes, and that’s OK. I’ve also had many achievements.” If you want to take it further, spend some time brainstorming past successes. 

Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is the act of being in the present moment. A growing body of research indicates mindfulness-based interventions decrease stress and improve mental well-being. To be fully present, you focus on internal sensations and your environment. You can become more aware by using breathing exercises, meditation, or other mindfulness skills.  

A regular mindfulness practice can help you change your perspective to counteract the extremes of black-and-white thinking. Practice witnessing your thoughts without judgment. Sit with your emotions before deciding what they might mean and how to handle them.  

By granting yourself space and mental clarity to observe your emotions and thoughts, you may be more likely to realize their rigidity. Slowly, this practice can help mend your cognitive distortions. 

List the other possibilities

If you find yourself making a snap decision about something, take a pause. The first step is noticing that you’ve developed a sudden opinion. Next, question it by listing other possibilities.

Say you made plans for a long-distance friend to call at a specific time. However, you don’t receive a call at the scheduled time. With black-and-white thinking, you might immediately assume your friend doesn’t care about or want to talk to you.  

Instead of believing this rigid thought, challenge it by considering other possibilities. Maybe your friend lost their phone or the battery died. It’s possible they got caught up at work and forgot about the plan. Perhaps they had a personal emergency and haven’t had time to communicate it to you.  

When reframing dichotomous thinking, avoid trusting the first thought you have. Rather, brainstorm other possible scenarios and alternatives.

Challenge the negative self-talk

Negative self-talk is a way of speaking to yourself that’s overly critical or judgmental. It often goes hand in hand with the voice in your head that says you’re not enough. 

If you make a mistake or misread a situation, black-and-white thinking can lead to negative self-talk. Using the previous example of a friend not calling on time, your inner critic might tell you that you’re not worthy of close friendships. Know that these thoughts are just thoughts. They aren’t facts.  

You can challenge these thoughts by revising them with compassionate language. Try speaking to yourself as you would a friend. You most likely wouldn’t talk to a loved one the way your inner critic speaks to you. Reframe your thoughts to be positive and practice gratitude for who you are.

Pro tip: As you work on taming your inner critic, consider doing shadow work as well. Shadow work involves tapping into the unconscious parts of yourself. These are the parts of you that are dealing with regret, fears, and desires. Shadow work is a way to connect with your entire self. 

Try cognitive behavioral therapy or dialectical behavioral therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) are evidence-based types of therapy that can work with black-and-white thinking. A mental health professional can help you decide which is best. Here’s how they’re different: 

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) focuses on challenging and changing intrusive thoughts and behaviors. It can help you develop a growth mindset. 
• Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) centers around helping you navigate strong emotions. Instead of avoiding the uncomfortable feelings that arise from uncertainty or ambiguity, you use emotional regulation skills to manage them.  

Both CBT and DBT aid in different ways. One or both might be the most helpful, depending on the cause and severity of your dichotomous thinking. A mental health professional will help you navigate these treatments to be content with life. 

Reframe black-and-white thinking for greater life satisfaction

Black-and-white thinking can make it challenging to achieve goals, maintain interpersonal relationships, and have a strong sense of self-worth. However, your brain can change. You can adjust your thought patterns to better recognize the nuances of people, situations, ideas, and yourself.  

As you learn to work with your black-and-white thinking, remember that you won’t immediately get everything correct. Be patient with yourself as you develop new skills. Partnering with a mental health professional or coach can be helpful. BetterUp Coaches are here to help you reframe your thinking to create a more fulfilling life.