How to handle conflict in the office: 7 steps

Knowing how to handle conflict in the office is a valuable skill. Perhaps you have a coworker who annoys you. Maybe your boss doesn’t do a great job managing conflict, and you feel like your voice isn’t heard. 

Differing opinions on how to manage conflict can come from a range of personalities, work styles, ideas on how to approach the work itself, and beyond. However, workplace conflict isn’t always a bad thing. When you know how to resolve conflict and have difficult conversations at work, it can improve your collaboration, team culture, and work environment.

People won’t always agree, which makes conflict at work inevitable. However, learning your conflict resolution style, ways to prevent and mitigate conflict, and how to make conflict productive can significantly improve your work relationships and relieve stress.

7 steps for how to handle conflict at work

Conflict at work is more common than you might think. According to 2022 research by The Myers-Briggs Company, more than a third of the workforce reports dealing with conflict often, very often, or all the time in the workplace. The same report found that managers spend an average of four hours per week dealing with conflict, and nearly 25% of people think their managers handle conflict poorly or very poorly.

Addressing a dispute might feel tense or awkward, but resolving the conflict is typically well worth it in the long run. Whether you’re trying to mediate conflict between colleagues or are directly involved, here are seven steps you can take to manage workplace conflict.

1. Don’t put it off

Facing conflict head-on is hard. However, waiting too long to address it can negatively impact your emotional well-being, focus, and the entire office environment. If you’re feeling angry, letting that emotion fester can also escalate it over time. This can make you less responsive to other points of view and make it harder to resolve the issue.

The sooner you can address the conflict, the better it will be for you, the person you disagree with, and your entire team.

2. Learn all you can about the problem

It’s important to determine the type of conflict you’re dealing with. Begin by considering the cause of the conflict. For example, ask yourself whether someone said something that upset you or if you have emotions of anger and resentment that stemmed from something that happened.

Then try to identify if it’s a task, relationship, value, or team conflict. Once you know what type of conflict it is, you can work to resolve it with specific tactics for that situation. 

If you skip this step, you may waste time or escalate the situation further by trying to address issues irrelevant to the real conflict. 

3. Actively listen

Listen attentively when people share their side of the story. Active listening is one of the most valuable professional skills you can possess. This type of listening involves not only hearing what the other person is saying but also listening to understand their point of view. 

No matter your role in conflict, it’s easy to begin sharing your opinion with little regard for the other people involved. However, it’s important to learn about all sides of a disagreement to make well-informed decisions before drawing conclusions. 

To reach a resolution, you must step back and prioritize listening over talking. Ultimately, that will encourage the other person to do the same when it’s your turn to speak. 

4. Find common ground

The best way to handle workplace conflict is to start with what you can agree on. Find common ground between the people engaging in conflict. If you’re directly involved in the conflict, slow down and focus on results instead of who’s right. 

If you’re the mediator for conflict resolution between coworkers, observe the discussion and help point out the common ground others may not see. 

For example, if two coworkers disagree on who should lead a project, you can note that they both share the same goal of having the project succeed. They just need to compromise on the best way to get there.

5. Collectively brainstorm solutions

When deciding how to handle workplace conflict, it can be tempting to problem-solve on your own. Sometimes, it feels easier to work independently rather than collaboratively. However, if you want to achieve a lasting resolution, you’ll need to motivate your team to get involved. 

Brainstorm possible solutions together, and solicit input from everyone involved on the pros and cons of each option until you settle on a solution that feels comfortable to everyone. This will help all team members feel a sense of ownership that can help prevent future conflicts. 

6. Create an action plan

Once you’ve created an open dialogue around workplace conflicts, it’s time to resolve them. Just like any other work goal, this requires creating a concrete plan and following through. 

Create an action plan and then act on it. It doesn’t matter what the plan is, as long as you commit to it and resolve the conflict as a result. 

7. Reflect on what you learned

All conflicts offer an opportunity to grow and become a better communicator. Identify what went well and what didn’t. Ask yourself questions like the following:

• Could I have avoided unnecessary drama?
• Could I have addressed the conflict earlier? 
• Could the conflict have been prevented altogether?
• Did I have good self-control over my emotions?
• What technique ultimately led to a resolution?

Work with your whole team to gather learnings from the conflict so you can avoid similar situations in the future.

5 conflict resolution strategies to try

Conflict resolution skills are a critical part of good communication, especially in the workplace. That’s why it’s important to know your conflict management style.

In the 1970s, psychologists Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann developed what’s known as the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) to help people identify their conflict management preferences. The tool identifies five main conflict-handling modes you can try:

• Compromising: This means blending both assertiveness and a willingness to negotiate. For example, if you and a colleague both want to lead the same project, you might compromise by agreeing to co-lead it. You didn’t back down on your desire to lead, but you did agree to relinquish some responsibility.

• Collaborating: Collaborative efforts ensure that all parties are satisfied with a joint solution. This typically involves putting your needs aside and beginning a co-creative process.

• Accommodating: When you accommodate, you give in to the other person’s position in a conflict without acknowledging your own wants and needs. For example, if you and your coworker have two entirely different ideas for approaching a project, accommodating would mean abandoning your idea and moving forward with theirs.

• Competing: A competing conflict management strategy means you have a win-at-all-costs mindset. You don’t leave room for other people’s opinions or perspectives, and there is no cooperation with the opposing side. You expect the other person to accommodate your needs.

• Avoiding: Some people manage conflict by avoiding it altogether. If you have an avoidant conflict resolution style, you withdraw from conversations involving tension and often leave conflicts unresolved. You might ignore the conflict on the outside but let it fester on the inside.

Handling workplace conflict with remote teams

Managing conflict with a remote team is a unique challenge in itself. However, you can do a few things to set yourself up for success. Here are three tips for maintaining open, effective communication with your virtual teams: 

1. Make the most of your video and phone calls: Ensure everyone has the chance to speak up about concerns, questions, and disagreements. If this opportunity isn’t presented, conflicts between remote team members could go undetected for months. 
2. Create a platform just for feedback: Create a communication channel that encourages employees to share feedback about their experience. For example, you can create different Slack channels (like #product-feedback) to help raise different ideas and perspectives. 
3. Regularly ask for feedback: If you empower your team through feedback, you set up open lines of communication that can help you address conflict early on or avoid it altogether. 

Doing these things helps you build team trust and lets each employee know that although they work remotely, they can still speak up for themselves and handle conflict in a healthy, productive way.  

4 types of conflict in the office

Not all conflicts are created equal. Problem-solving for some types of conflict is easy, while other types have a more complicated resolution process. Here are four types of workplace conflict to keep in mind as you work to improve team dynamics.

1. Work style conflict

Everyone has a different work style, and sometimes these differences can cause conflict. Perhaps you like to be more organized with how you work, while your coworker prefers a trial-and-error technique. 

Different working styles can make it difficult for team members to understand or tolerate each other’s approaches to the same work, especially when working on joint projects.

2. Leadership approach conflict

The management in your workplace may have leadership styles that don’t align. Team leads with poor listening or conflict resolution skills will hurt their team by failing to address conflict. If different managers have varying approaches to problem-solving, their potential disagreements over attempts to resolve a conflict might make things worse.

3. Personality conflict

Personality conflict is common. Everyone has difficult coworkers. People may disagree and argue over character traits, personal values, hobbies, interests, and more. You can’t be best friends with everyone you meet. But when you don’t enjoy someone’s personality, it can make for a frustrating work environment.

4. Department-based conflict

Perhaps you work in the marketing department, but you work closely with the field and sales teams. Recently, the requests your department has received to support the field team have really stretched your bandwidth, causing you to work late. The additional demands and communication barriers are also causing strain between your department and theirs, especially without a clear idea of the workload to come. 

This type of conflict between departments can be challenging to handle if communication isn’t clear. This can lead to pent-up frustration or minor disagreements that eventually grow into a bigger problem.

How to prevent conflict in the office

Sometimes, one of worst ways to handle conflict in the workplace is to step in. You don’t need to sweat over shutting down all conflict because some of it leads to more significant innovation, more creativity, and wider viewpoints for the whole team. Embracing constructive conflict can teach people new skills and boost productivity, even if some disagreements come first. 

However, you want to prevent any conflict that makes people feel unsafe or afraid to use their voices. No team member should feel like their participation is being limited. 

Toxic conflict isn’t always preventable, but you can make it less common. Here are four ways leaders can prevent conflict from overrunning their office:

1. Work on a company culture that lets team members feel comfortable at work.
2. Lead by example and model the behavior you want to see.
3. Implement your company’s core values and the goals you’re working toward.
4. Have monthly seminars (or webinars) that teach employees about respect and ways to combat bullying or gaslighting.

Learn how to handle conflict in the office like a pro

Knowing the basics of how to handle conflict in the office can lead to personal growth while also preparing you to step into a leadership role. If you feel uncomfortable, it’s because you’re stepping outside of your comfort zone, which is where personal development happens.

Facing conflict head-on isn’t easy, especially in a professional setting, and it’s OK if you need some help on your self-improvement journey. The coaches at BetterUp can provide guidance and lead by example to help you model the kind of behavior you want to see in your work environment.

Help yourself and your team reach their full potential by working with a BetterUp Coach to become an expert in respectful conflict resolution.