What are intrapersonal skills, and how to develop them

What are intrapersonal skills?

Intrapersonal skills are the internal tools, behaviors, and habits that help you face challenges, cope with change, and cultivate resilience. They represent your relationship with yourself and the world around you.

One key component of these skills is intrapersonal communication, your internal monologue, which influences how you move through life. Intrapersonal communication informs intrapersonal knowledge, the ability to understand your innermost thoughts and emotions, which helps shape adaptability, decision-making, self-confidence, and self-discipline. 

Intrapersonal skills are critically important because they help form the basis of your relationships with others. They help you avoid unnecessary conflict and manage necessary conflict in healthy, productive ways. Intrapersonal intelligence can also allow you to align yourself with people and organizations that share your personal values and goals, which can help you lead a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

5 examples of intrapersonal skills

According to the National Research Council, psychologists have studied self-regulation since the 1960s. While some disagreement remains about its definition, self-regulation is widely recognized as a critical intrapersonal skill. Patterns across popular definitions highlight the following additional examples of intrapersonal skills: 

1. Self-awareness: Self-awareness is the ability to be mindful and conscious of your behaviors and reactions and how they affect others. Practicing self-awareness helps you understand your emotions, build healthy habits, and initiate behavioral change that aligns with your values.
2. Self-confidence: Your self-confidence is the ability to respect yourself and trust your abilities, knowledge, and judgment. This sense of confidence allows you to welcome challenges and place your self-worth in your efforts, not your outcomes. This includes keeping yourself from feeling guilt over a negative outcome.
3. Resilience: Resilience refers to your ability to adjust and adapt to challenging situations. Truly resilient people know that personal growth happens on the upward climb, even if it initially feels uncomfortable.
4. Optimism: Optimism is the ability to maintain a positive mental attitude throughout life’s ups and downs. That doesn’t mean you can’t feel sad, angry, or fearful. It just means that as you process those emotions, you continue to hope for the best.
5. Focus: With so many digital distractions, it’s more critical than ever to stay focused at work and in your personal life. Being able to manage your attention span, generate self-motivation, and stay organized are major determinants of success.

Interpersonal vs. intrapersonal skills 

Despite their differences, interpersonal and intrapersonal skills are often confused. Interpersonal skills make up your outward-facing personality and social skills, whereas intrapersonal skills refer to your inward-facing character. Both types of skills are soft skills, which means they are relationship-building skills that can help you build rapport and interact with people.

Here are a few examples of how interpersonal communication and intrapersonal communication differ.

Context	Interpersonal skills	Intrapersonal skills
Skill focus	External relationships and interactions	Internal awareness and self-regulation
Skill development process	Engaging with others and receiving feedback	Introspection and personal development
Relationship impact	Direct impact on external relationships through social interaction	Indirect impact on external relationships through self-improvement
What success looks like	Effective communication skills, good leadership, fruitful collaboration	Emotional regulation, self-confidence, adaptability
Examples	Active listening, mentoring, humor	Self-reflection, goal setting, time management

Note how both interpersonal skills and intrapersonal skills differ from job-specific proficiencies like software development, copywriting, and interior design. People often attend school to master these hard skills, while good intrapersonal or interpersonal relationship skills can’t necessarily be taught in a classroom setting.

The importance of intrapersonal skills

Intrapersonal skills are important because they lay the foundation for healthy interactions with others by providing a solid sense of self. A few benefits of strong intrapersonal intelligence include the following:

Improved communication: Intrapersonal skills help you communicate effectively by enabling you to articulate your thoughts, ideas, and emotions clearly to reduce misunderstandings.
Enhanced emotional regulation: Intrapersonal intelligence helps you handle your emotions, especially during uncertain situations, which can improve your stress management. 
Increased confidence: Intrapersonal skills help you build a positive self-image through self-awareness and self-reflection, which can improve your self-confidence. 
Strengthened collaboration: Having a deep understanding of yourself can enhance your cooperation and management skills when working within a team, leading to collective success.
Improved leadership skills: Intrapersonal skills help you learn how to lead yourself and your inner processes first, which sets you up to be a more effective team leader.
Increased empathy: Understanding your own emotions can help you better understand the emotions of others and see things from their perspective, helping you become more empathetic.

How to develop intrapersonal skills

People with strong intrapersonal skills are in touch with their own feelings, motivations, and goals. Some people are born with a natural ability and inclination to be introspective, and others are not.

The good news is that, with a little practice and education, you can strengthen your intrapersonal skills to achieve a better relationship with yourself. Here are some activities you can do to build your intrapersonal skill set.

Set goals (and keep them)

It’s one thing to dream about your goals, and it’s another to do whatever it takes to meet them. Start intentionally setting and documenting your personal goals and the steps you’ll take to achieve them. These could be career goals, health goals, self-improvement goals, or anything you’d like to work toward.

You can learn a lot about yourself when working toward your goals. For example, you might recognize things about your resilience, self-discipline, and ability to stay motivated. You might also uncover some new passions and interests along the way.

If you’re feeling extra motivated, you can set a goal to complete a course about how your intrapersonal skills impact your external world. Many colleges across the country offer online courses on intrapersonal communication you can take from home.

Self-reflect

Self-reflection requires digging deep and having an honest conversation with your inner self about how you’re feeling. This gives you the opportunity to address insecurities, make better decisions, and gain perspective on what matters most.

Journaling is one way to connect with yourself, develop intrapersonal intelligence, and keep track of your emotions and experiences. Writing in a journal can also help you see your emotional growth over time by providing a tangible record of what you’ve overcome and how you’ve improved your skills.

If you’re not sure what to write about, try using self-reflection journal prompts. According to research published in Frontiers in Psychology, lacking prompts for self-reflection or using questions that are too open-ended results in answers that aren’t comprehensive. Journaling can help you expand on your thoughts in ways you may not have inside your head.

Start by answering some of these self-reflection questions:

Am I leading a life that aligns with my values?
How would I rate my self-esteem? Why?
Do I have healthy habits? Which habits aren’t very healthy?
What do I like most about myself right now?
Am I tending to all of my important relationships?
How can I better structure my routines to support self-discipline?
What internal or external challenges are hindering my motivation?

Be curious

Developing intrapersonal skills requires curiosity. There’s always more to learn about yourself, just like there’s always more to learn about the people in your life you know best. 

When you react to a situation in a way that surprises you, approach your reaction with a sense of curiosity. For example, if you get angry at a friend because they canceled plans with you at the last minute, consider why you might have reacted the way you did. 

Perhaps you felt it was disrespectful of your time, or you were disappointed about not being able to spend time with them. Maybe you were really excited about the plans and needed them for stress relief. Or maybe this is the fifth time in a row your friend has done this.

Try to figure out the root of the problem, why your reaction was so strong, and how you can better control your response next time. This self-awareness can help you improve your intrapersonal skills without criticizing yourself for how you behaved.

Boost your emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is a type of intelligence that helps you understand and manage your emotions and appropriately respond to the emotions of others. It’s a skill that enables you to be self-aware of your feelings. You can use emotional intelligence to navigate personal and work relationships, which can improve your interpersonal skills.

To improve your emotional intelligence, it’s helpful to begin reflecting on your emotions, asking for feedback from those close to you, and stepping out of your comfort zone. You can also better understand the emotions of others by practicing active listening, developing empathy, and cultivating patience to view situations from different perspectives.

Prioritize self-care

Your physical health directly affects your mental health and well-being, impacting your intrapersonal skills and ability to work with others. Practicing self-care can help you achieve wellness from the inside out and approach life in a better headspace. 

Exercise is known to reduce stress and anxiety, allowing you to think more clearly and generally approach situations with a more positive attitude. Mindfulness activities like meditation promote relaxation, stress reduction, and better sleep. Self-care practices can also help you focus better.

Lean on your support system

Everyone resonates with different support systems. Some people turn to their friends and family for support, while others opt for therapy or coaching. 

Working with a mental health professional enables you to reflect on your behaviors and habits, learn techniques for improving your intrapersonal communication, and let go of painful experiences.

Alternatively, professional coaching can help you identify your strengths and weaknesses, achieve your goals, and reach your full potential. This type of coaching (as opposed to therapy) can also help with professional development if you need help with these skills in the workplace.