What are the qualities of a good friend? 22 traits

Learning what are the qualities of a good friend and how to spot them can help you build more meaningful connections. It can also help you appreciate your current relationships and teach you how to become a better friend to others.

Quality friendships make life more meaningful and are good for your health. Great friends offer emotional support and make you feel loved and accepted. These experiences are critical to your mental health and social well-being, which is why it’s important to choose your friends wisely and treat them well.

Whether you have too many best friends to count or are still looking for the best fit, knowing the qualities and characteristics of a good friend can help you choose the right friends going forward.

What is a good friend?

A good friend is someone you can trust and feel comfortable around. A true friend should support you and make you feel appreciated. They should show a genuine interest in your life, accept and respect you for who you are, and make you feel better about yourself.

Prioritizing friendship is also an important piece of what makes a good friend. Your friends should want to be around you and stay in touch, even if you are separated by geography. True friendship involves a type of unconditional love that follows you through life’s ups and downs.

Many people in your life will fall somewhere between being an acquaintance and a best friend. And while not every person you meet will become your new closest friend, a network of loose social connections is valuable for your personal well-being and success. 

22 qualities of a good friend

Anyone you call a friend should live up to certain standards and showcase “green flags” if you’re going to invest in the relationship. You should live up to these standards, too, if you want to retain meaningful connections and become a better friend.

Here are 22 important qualities of a best friend to help you build healthy relationships and get along better with others.

1. They live with integrity

A friend with integrity acts in alignment with their values and commitments. They have strong moral principles and will speak or act when someone violates those principles. They’re also self-aware and behave and speak in consistent ways. Because of this, you can rely on them to do what they say they’ll do.

2. They’re trustworthy and honest

A good close friend is honest and speaks from the heart with good intentions. They tell you what you need to hear in a respectful and loving manner. Because you know they have your best interests at heart, you can trust them enough to be vulnerable with them and share your insecurities.

3. “Dependability” is their middle name

There’s no time for fair-weather and flaky friends. A good friend tries their best to show up and keep their promises, even in the midst of tough times.

However, that doesn’t mean they’ll be dependable in every situation. For example, you may have a friend who is always running late, but you know you can depend on them when you need to talk.

4. They’re loyal

While blind loyalty can cause you to overlook red flags and toxic traits, true friends are generally loyal to their people. 

A friend who values loyalty sticks by you through your highs and lows, offering a helping hand or a listening ear whenever they can. They listen to your side of the story, give you the benefit of the doubt, and defend you when you deserve it.

5. They have empathy for others

Empathy is the ability to understand other peoples’ emotions and experiences, and a good friend does this easily. If you’re distraught because you didn’t get a promotion, for example, this friend does their best to put themselves in your shoes so they can offer you more thoughtful and meaningful words of encouragement.

If they know you really well, they might intuit your feelings before you express them, providing comfort and guidance before you even expected it.

6. They’re good listeners

Excellent listening skills are one of the most important qualities of a good friend. Only if they’re actively listening will a good friend know who you are and offer excellent advice. Great listening allows your friend to understand how you are feeling, retain important information about you (like your favorite food or activity), and validate your emotions. 

7. Their confidence is contagious

Being a good friend means believing in someone else more than they believe in themselves because you see the best in them. True friends encourage you to have confidence and courage when you don’t have it. They exude faith in you and celebrate your wins as if they were their own.

8. Spending time with them makes you feel good

A good friend is someone you want to hang out with and feel great about spending time with. While emotional vampires and toxic relationships might exhaust you, spending time with a best friend is something that should cheer you up and energize you. This is someone you’re comfortable seeing even on your most burned-out days because it’s not difficult to be around them when you get together.

9. They make you laugh

Laughter is life’s medicine, and great friends dole it out in tons. According to research published in the American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, humor reduces stress and improves depression and anxiety, which are all things a true friendship should do. So if your friend makes you laugh, know that this seemingly small trait might be improving your health and well-being. 

10. They’re nonjudgmental

While they might offer “real talk” by bringing you down to earth with critical insights and honesty, real friends don’t make you feel bad about yourself. They offer you a sense of psychological safety that allows you to work out issues, share insecurities, and discuss hard topics. 

Good friends have good intentions, and they want you to be happy. They also understand that your journey to find happiness is unique to you, so they’re ready to support you as you change throughout your life. 

11. They’re low-maintenance

Great friends don’t want to be a burden. While they’ll expect some quality time, care, and consideration from you, they’re low-maintenance and won’t hold your busyness against you. When you reconnect, it’s often as if no time has passed. 

These are excellent friends to be around since they’re also low-drama, tend to avoid gossip, and make hanging out lighthearted and fun.

12. They respect your boundaries

Even with your best friends, setting healthy boundaries is important to maintaining good interpersonal relationships. Boundaries are designed to outline your limits and expectations for the relationship. 

For example, you might ask a friend for personal space so you can focus on necessary self-care or quiet time to be productive at work. A true friend will not push you to abandon your boundaries, but will instead respect them.

13. They align with your friendship goals

Friendship goals are goals you set for yourself to strengthen your relationships and build new ones. Setting friendship goals helps you identify what you want from your social life without simply waiting for things to change. 

For example, you might set a goal to hang out more with some of your close friends or keep in touch over long distances. A true friend will respect your goals and share similar priorities to keep the relationship going.

14. They encourage you

Good friends are great at pushing you outside of your comfort zone for the purpose of self-growth and self-improvement. They’ll challenge you to follow your dreams and help hold you accountable so you achieve your goals. They want to see you succeed.

However, there is a difference between encouraging someone and pushing them past their limits. Good friends will cheer you on without making you feel bad or uncomfortable about your boundaries.

15. They make time for you

True friendship takes work. Good friends put in the time and effort to keep up with your life and offer their support. To grow your bond, you both have to put in equal effort and be willing to make time to catch up.

If you find yourself pouring your energy into asking a friend to hang out, without them doing the same in return, they may not be your best friend. However, it’s important to communicate with them if you feel this way. They might not realize they’re doing it.

16. They keep your secrets

True friends take confidentiality seriously. They know that you’re trusting them with information you may not share with everyone, and they find that a privilege. 

Good friends should keep your secrets to themselves unless there’s a risk that you may hurt yourself or others. They should be respectful of your openness and care about your wishes to confide in them.

17. They communicate with you

All healthy relationships require effective communication, and friendships aren’t any different. If you said something that bothered your friend, they should feel comfortable asking you about it and sharing how it made them feel. They should be willing to engage in honest conversation rather than being quick to judge, and they should expect the same from you.

Good communication can help each of you manage conflict in a way that’s constructive and respectful. This shows you both care about the relationship enough to work through tough times together.

18. They’re patient

Relationships often need time to grow and blossom, which requires patience. Having a patient friend enables you to take time to build a strong foundation of trust and understanding. It also allows both of you to give each other space when necessary and respond to conflict in a calmer manner.

19. They go deeper than the surface level

True friends don’t just talk about surface-level topics. Instead, they dive deeper, getting to know who you are as a person. This allows you to feel comfortable being vulnerable with them about your deeper thoughts, feelings, and values. 

The more you share with them, the more likely they’ll be to confide in you, strengthening your friendship.

20. They’re supportive

Good friends are supportive of you, regardless of whether they agree with your ideas. For example, if you say you want to become a professional musician, they should cheer you on and support you even if they feel like that’s a risky career goal.

Friends exist to lift each other up and encourage one another to dream big. A true friend won’t make fun of you for your personal goals or make you feel discouraged.

21. They’re kind

While it may seem obvious, kindness is a critical quality of a good friend. This means not just being kind to you but being accepting of others as well.

If you’re friends with someone who is unkind to others, they may try to get you to follow suit. Good friends won’t invite you into bullying others or doing anything that makes you feel guilty and ashamed.

22. They stand up for you

True friends love you for who you are and want to see you flourish. If anything stands in your way, they should show an effort to support you. This may mean sticking up for you in front of a coworker or shutting down conversations that are happening behind your back. Whatever the case, they should be the ones defending your character.

3 qualities of a bad friend

True friendship isn’t always sunshine and roses. You might fight, fall out of touch, or feel jealous of each other, which can strain an otherwise great relationship.

Intuitively, you’ll likely know you’ve spotted a bad friend because you won’t want to spend time with them. They may tire you out, make you feel judged, and be unaligned with your interests and personal values.

In many circumstances, you might want to befriend someone who is reliable, honest, and loyal. Likewise, you might want someone with whom you have shared interests such as working in the same industry.

You can determine what you require in a friend as well as your deal-breakers by brainstorming and writing down your friendship goals.

That said, there are some universal traits of a bad friend and negative acquaintances you should always be wary of:

1. They constantly “one-up” you: Bad friends tend to make their issues seem more significant than yours. If you tell them about your bad day, they might tell you how their day was worse. If you’re proud of an accomplishment, they might mention how they did it better and sooner. This constant competition invalidates your feelings, and real friends won’t do that.
2. They’re a bad influence: Bad friends may encourage you to participate in risky behavior or activities that make you uncomfortable. If they don’t respect your boundaries, they’re not worth having in your life.
3. They bully and belittle you: Some “friends” only keep you around to make you feel bad. They put you down and make you feel unimportant to feel better about themselves, and that’s simply not friendship; it’s bullying. Instead, great friends raise you up, offering support and affirmation to help you become the best version of yourself.

If you’re engaging with people who exhibit these traits, it may be time for a friendship breakup. It’s important to trust your gut when you feel like someone’s a negative influence in your life.

How to find good friends

Making new friends as an adult is difficult. Between work and other obligations, it can be hard to put yourself out there. But when you feel the support that comes with true friendship, it’s often worth it. 

Here are three tips for finding more healthy friendships:

• Try different communal activities: If you’re doing an activity you enjoy, chances are high you’ll meet like-minded people. Research mentioned in a study published in Developmental Psychology states that most people seek friends who are similar to them. Try attending group activities to make new friends, such as local events, volunteer opportunities, or social hobbies like sports and book clubs with strangers.
• Be a good friend to others: Great friendship is based on reciprocity. To find good friends, you must be a good friend. Self-reflect through journaling or talking out loud to determine whether you embody the traits listed above. Then, make a self-improvement plan to practice any missing qualities. 
• Become your own best friend: If you’re a great friend to others, that means you can also be a great friend to yourself. Take yourself out on a dinner date, give yourself a positive pep talk, and enjoy cozy nights doing free-time activities or hobbies you love. This self-love can boost your self-esteem and confidence and help you practice how to treat people well.

Embody the qualities of a good friend

Taking on the qualities of a good friend is just as important as recognizing these traits in others. True friendship is a two-way street. You have to be vulnerable with others, honest about how you feel, and supportive when people need you. 

If you need help learning how to be a good friend, try working with a relationship coach. These coaches have the tools to help you improve your relationships in both personal and professional settings. They can help you build your communication and conflict management skills while also helping you learn to set boundaries to help you achieve optimal wellness.

Find a sense of belonging and acceptance by working with a BetterUp Coach to improve your friendships.