Understanding the role of reaction formation in our daily lives

You do many things in your daily life without being fully aware. You turn off lights and pace while talking on the phone. Maybe you fidget with your pen or bounce your leg. You might not know that your brain does something similar to help you process emotions. Such mechanisms are known as unconscious processes. 

Reaction formation is an unconscious process that you likely don’t realize you’re engaging in. It causes you to express yourself in a way that’s the opposite of what you’re feeling. 

Even the most self-aware individuals may not know all that goes on inside their heads. After all, the mind is a complex organ. While you may not be aware these things are happening, an unconscious process can still impact your actions and have consequences. 

You do many things to protect your energy on a conscious and unconscious level. Reaction formation is one of several ways this protection can manifest. However, you can overcome this unconscious process and act in ways that align with your true feelings. 

For example, a person engages in reaction formation when they are overly nice to someone they dislike. The concept was coined by Sigmund Freud and his daughter Anna. Sigmund Freud was a well-known psychologist and creator of psychoanalytic theory. Freud’s work involved the ego (rational), id (impulse), and superego (conscience), which construct someone’s personality. Reaction formation is known as an ego defense. Ego defenses are processes that deflect stressful and unwanted thoughts. 

Living according to your authentic desires and personal values is essential for building a life you enjoy. Reaction formation, in turn, is counterproductive to this goal. This is because it conceals your true emotions from yourself. 

Understanding reaction formation and reaction formation theory

Sigmund proposed the initial theory of psychological defense mechanisms, while Anna then built on this concept. She discussed and refined reaction formation in her book The Ego and the Mechanisms of Defense.

The theory was part of a greater development in psychoanalysis, referred to as Freudian defense mechanisms. These defense mechanisms are part of an unconscious process that helps you avoid negative feelings. Regression, for example, describes the act of reverting to an earlier stage of development.

Reaction formation can also involve sublimation, in which socially unacceptable urges or ideas are transformed into more acceptable ones. For instance, rather than expressing anger, a reaction formation may cause you to feign niceness. The notion of displaying anger may induce anxiety because of the risk of social disapproval.  

Examples of reaction formation 

The idea of someone acting the opposite of their true feelings seems irrational. A reaction formation example may help you better understand the concept. Instances from everyday life can illustrate how this coping mechanism looks. 

The following behaviors are examples of reaction formation in action:

• A woman shows exaggerated kindness to a difficult coworker she has issues with
• A person constantly rants about how relationships are a waste of time when love is all they truly desire
• A man appears overly confident to hide the fact that he’s deeply insecure
• A person teases someone they’re romantically interested in 
• A child starts arguments with their brother about to leave for college, hiding the fact that they will miss him

These behaviors may be easier to notice in others than in yourself. Reaction formation is an unconscious process for a reason. However, you may have an epiphany in which you reflect on your behaviors and realize what’s happening. While this can be uncomfortable, self-awareness puts you in control of your actions. 

How external influences shape reaction formation

Environmental factors can contribute to the development of reaction formation. For example, a society that’s unaccepting of same-sex relationships will make individuals more hesitant to accept their sexual orientation. A society that strongly enforces gender roles and gender inequality may cause shame in men who show interest in hobbies that are historically regarded as feminine. 

Family dynamics may also foster shame that could lead to reaction formation. If your parents made you feel as though it wasn’t safe to express your feelings, you may hold on to that mindset in adulthood. You might be ashamed to display declarations of anger or hurt.

Inner child work can help you deconstruct that shame. By reconnecting with your inner child and reparenting yourself, you can start to heal and reframe your thoughts. External factors may influence how you deal with your feelings, but you can choose to deal with them head-on. 

Is reaction formation always bad

Reaction formation is a defense mechanism, a way your brain tries to keep you “safe” from negative emotions. A 2021 article in “Frontiers in Psychology” described defense mechanisms as fundamental contributors to adaptation. Another Frontiers study from the same year ranked reaction formation as high in adaptiveness, classifying it in the neurotic defense category. 

Defense mechanisms can make you feel safe. However, reaction formation isn’t truly keeping you safe, because the emotions are still there. They’re simply suppressed. 

Not processing your emotions can negatively impact your emotional well-being. Much like shaking a carbonated beverage, all the tension is trapped inside until eventual release. When the hidden emotions eventually surface, it can be confusing and create emotional distress.

Without being fully aware of your emotions, you cannot embrace your authentic self. Ultimately, it’s better to understand the full scope of your feelings and see every situation clearly. Being cognizant of how you feel toward others is also beneficial for your interpersonal relationships.   

How to work through reaction formation

Once you’re aware of reaction formation, you can work to minimize its prevalence in your life. Reflection and self-awareness are key to understanding your unconscious processes. Getting in touch with your feelings and emotions can also help you work through them in a healthier way. 

Reflect

Reaction formation can be a sign of emotional disconnect. Being aware of your emotions by engaging in self-reflection may prevent or reduce this. Journaling apps are a great way to contemplate your feelings and express yourself in a healthy way. 

Writing your thoughts down helps you work out internal conflicts and release tension. A 2022 study in the “Journal of Positive Psychology” explored the impact of journaling on addiction recovery. It concluded that journaling improved well-being and mental health factors. Try picking up a journal or using your laptop to reflect on your thoughts. You might find this makes it easier to engage and work through them. 

Try to understand the 'why'

Understanding why your behaviors reflect the opposite way you truly feel is important. Reaction formation psychology describes how the brain rejects information it isn’t ready to process. Reading up on psychology to acknowledge what’s going on in your brain could bring some comfort. 

Reaction formation is a fairly common experience. Knowing you’re not alone in your struggles can help you get over embarrassment and shame. When you realize your actions are part of a known defense mechanism, you can start to practice self-compassion. 

Practice self-compassion

Self-compassion can alleviate the judgment you impose on yourself. There are many benefits of self-compassion, including improved self-esteem and strengthened resilience. Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can with what you can currently handle. 

Forgive yourself for acting in ways that don’t align with your genuine beliefs or feelings. Maybe this has caused you to lack integrity in the workplace or damage your relationship with your family. Your actions don’t make you incapable of self-improvement. Just work on personal growth and bettering yourself. 

Prioritize honesty

Practicing honesty with others will help you be honest with yourself. Acknowledge that you have a right to express your feelings in a safe, productive manner. If you struggle with being a people-pleaser, you probably tend to hide how you truly feel. You can speak up if you’re displeased with a person or situation, as long as you do so with tact and respect. 

Lean on professional support

A mental health professional can often identify your true beliefs and emotions, of which you may not be completely aware. A psychoanalyst, someone who is well-trained in psychotherapy, is knowledgeable about various types of defense mechanisms. Various types of therapy may help you identify your defense mechanisms. 

After identifying your defense mechanisms, a professional can help you confront the difficult emotions you’ve buried. Therapy is the perfect environment to explore those emotions, whether for grief support or dismantling the fear of disappointing others. 

Using reaction formation to acknowledge true feelings

Once you’ve realized that reaction formation has been an underlying cause of your behavior, you can work to shift your actions going forward. The reaction formation defense mechanism can make you aware of your true feelings about a situation or idea. After acknowledging those feelings, you can process them at your own pace. Dealing with situations head-on rather than using coping mechanisms can contribute to your personal development. 

The importance of knowing yourself and how your mind works cannot be overstated. Personal coaching sessions can help you learn more about yourself and empower you to face your emotions. Find a coach today to start understanding your emotions and the reasoning behind your actions.